Starting Over: Lessons I’ve Learned Since My Divorce
Starting over after my divorce wasn’t easy—it was a journey filled with challenges, lessons, and unexpected growth. Looking back now, I can see just how much I’ve learned, not only about myself but about life, relationships, and the importance of taking control of your future.
Lessons I learned
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that healing and rebuilding take time. At first, I thought I could bounce back quickly, but I underestimated how much I needed to process and work through. It was surprising to realise just how long it took me to let go of the past and truly move forward, but that time was essential.
Another vital step was learning to trust myself again. Divorce can leave you doubting your decisions and questioning your worth. For me, stepping out of my comfort zone was key. I joined Meetup groups, went on a single parents holiday, and made an effort to meet new people. It wasn’t easy—I was nervous, even though I’m not naturally shy—but I took small, manageable steps, like attending short events where I knew I could leave if I didn’t feel comfortable. These experiences helped rebuild my confidence, gave me new perspectives, and showed me I wasn’t alone.
Emotions and Motivation
That said, there were moments when I struggled deeply—times when feelings of guilt, blame, and self-doubt overwhelmed me. I found myself believing that everything was my fault and thinking I must be broken. During those moments, I sought professional help, which made a huge difference. Talking to someone objective helped me unravel those thoughts and recognise that I wasn’t broken at all. I realised that not everything was my fault and that I could focus on the things I could change, rather than dwelling on what I couldn’t. This shift in mindset gave me the tools to rebuild my confidence and start focusing on the future instead of being stuck in the past.
Having my young son also motivated me to keep going. I knew I had to show him that life doesn’t end after tough times. That meant working through feelings of guilt and blame—accepting that the divorce wasn’t entirely my fault and that I wasn’t broken. This shift in mindset was a turning point. I realised I had so much to offer and that I could create a life I was proud of.
New Relationships
Moving forward has also taught me important lessons about relationships. They’re hard work, but the key is recognising your own faults, taking responsibility, and apologising when needed. I’ve learned that shared values matter more than surface-level attraction—without common goals and a shared vision for life, relationships are bound to struggle.
What I would have told myself
If I could go back and give myself one piece of advice at the start, it would be this: “It’s going to be okay but stop waiting for things to happen to you and take control of your future. If you put the work in, step outside your comfort zone, and focus on building a life you love, you’ll get there. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.”
Starting over is daunting, but it’s also an opportunity to grow, learn, and create a life that’s even better than before. And while it’s a process, each small step forward brings you closer to the future you deserve.
