Deciding whether to leave your marriage is one of the toughest and most emotional choices you can face. It’s a mix of personal feelings, social expectations, and concerns about everyone involved. This decision is rarely simple, and the myths about divorce can make it even harder.

The Emotional Rollercoaster

The emotional rollercoaster of deciding whether to leave a marriage often starts with nagging doubts. Is the relationship really beyond saving, or could things get better with some effort? This question can linger for months or even years. The fear of making the wrong choice and the hope for a better future can be paralyzing.

The stakes feel incredibly high because they often are. Leaving a marriage can mean major changes in your emotional life, financial situation, social circle, and, most importantly, the future of any children involved.

The Myths About Divorce

One of the biggest myths about divorce is that it’s always a failure. This idea is deeply rooted in many cultures and can make people feel ashamed and inadequate. But seeing divorce only as a failure ignores the fact that, for some, it’s a necessary step towards a healthier and more fulfilling life.

Another myth is that divorce leads to inevitable loneliness and unhappiness. While the transition can be tough and painful, many people eventually feel a sense of freedom and personal growth. The chance to rediscover yourself and pursue your own goals can lead to newfound happiness.

Staying Together for the Kids: A Complex Issue

Many people stay in unhappy marriages because they think it’s better for the kids. The belief is that keeping a stable family, even if it’s full of conflict, is better than the disruption of divorce. But this isn’t always true.

Kids are perceptive and can often sense the tension and unhappiness between their parents. Growing up in a high-conflict home can be more damaging than going through a divorce. Studies show that kids who are exposed to constant parental conflict may suffer from emotional and behavioural problems. In contrast, kids who see their parents handle divorce well can adapt and thrive.

Staying together for the kids can also set a bad example. Kids learn about relationships from their parents, and an unhealthy marriage can teach them to tolerate bad behaviour or to settle for less than they deserve in their own relationships.

Making the Decision

Deciding whether to leave a marriage requires careful thought and often professional help. Therapy or coaching can provide a neutral space to explore your feelings and options. It’s important to evaluate your reasons for staying or leaving based on personal happiness, mutual respect, and the potential for a healthy future, rather than on social pressures or myths.

Remember, no one else can make this decision for you. Friends and family can offer support and advice, but ultimately, the choice must come from a place of self-awareness and honesty about what’s best for you and your kids.

Moving Forward

If you decide to leave the marriage, it’s crucial to handle the process with care. Open communication, especially with the kids, can help ease the transition. Seeking legal and emotional support can also provide the necessary resources to navigate this challenging time.

If you decide to stay and work on the marriage, it’s important to address the underlying issues with openness and a willingness to change. Marriage counselling can be a valuable tool in rebuilding a stronger, healthier relationship.

Conclusion

Deciding whether to leave a marriage is never easy, but it’s important to separate the myths from the realities. Divorce doesn’t have to be seen as a failure, and staying together just for the kids isn’t always the best choice. Ultimately, the goal should be to create an environment where everyone involved can thrive and find happiness, whether that means working through the issues together or parting ways amicably.

Professional Support

It is helpful to work with a professional to help you to come to the right decision for you. You will want to be sure that whatever decision you make, it is one that you won’t regret later. I offer a ‘Stay or Go’ package of support if you would like that professional help or alternatively, you can access my free guide to help you to make that decision.