Separation or divorce is never easy, and one of the hardest aspects is adjusting to not seeing your children every day. The sudden shift from daily interactions to limited visits can feel overwhelming and painful. Here are some strategies to help you cope with this challenging transition and maintain a strong, loving relationship with your children.

1. Embrace Your Emotions

It's natural to feel a wide range of emotions, from sadness and loneliness to anger and anxiety. Allow yourself to feel these emotions rather than suppressing them. Journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or seeking support from a divorce coach can help you process these feelings in a healthy way.

2. Create New Routines

Establishing new routines can bring a sense of stability and control during this tumultuous time. Find activities that you enjoy and can look forward to, whether it’s a morning workout, a hobby, or a regular meet-up with friends. Having a routine can provide structure and a sense of normalcy.

3. Stay Connected with Your Children

Even when you can’t be with your children physically, there are many ways to stay connected. Schedule regular video calls, send texts or voice messages, and share photos and stories about your day. These small gestures can help maintain your bond and reassure your children that you’re still there for them, even from a distance. Please remember though that when your children are with the other parent, that is their time with them so please don’t bombard them with requests for updates and wanting to talk to your children. Talk to them when they get home or if they are staying overnight, hopefully you can agree some catch-up time before they go to bed- as long as that isn’t going to upset them.

4. Make the Most of Your Time Together

When you do have time with your children, make it count. Be fully present and engaged, focusing on creating positive and memorable experiences. Whether it’s a simple game night, a walk in the park, or a special outing, these moments can strengthen your relationship and provide comfort to both you and your children.

5. Take Care of Yourself

It’s crucial to take care of your own well-being during this period. Ensure you’re eating well, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly. Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s essential. When you’re healthy and well-balanced, you’re better equipped to support your children and handle the challenges of separation or divorce.

6. Communicate Positively with Your Ex

Minimising conflict with your ex is beneficial for your children’s well-being and your own peace of mind. Try to communicate calmly and constructively, focusing on what’s best for your children. Setting clear boundaries and expectations can help reduce misunderstandings and stress. To read more about how to reduce conflict, read my blog post on ‘Reducing Conflict’.

7. Seek Support

You don’t have to go through this alone. Reach out to friends, family, or support groups who understand what you’re experiencing. A divorce coach can also provide valuable guidance and support, helping you navigate your emotions and make confident decisions.

8. Focus on the Future

While it’s important to acknowledge the pain of the present, try to keep an eye on the future. Remember that this is a transition period, and things will get better over time. Focus on building a positive, fulfilling life for yourself and your children. Setting goals and working towards them can give you a sense of purpose and direction.

9. Be Patient with Yourself

Adjusting to a new reality takes time. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself to grieve the loss of the daily presence of your children. Healing is a gradual process, and it’s okay to have good days and bad days.

10. Celebrate Small Victories

Recognise and celebrate the small victories along the way. Whether it’s a successful co-parenting conversation, a fun day with your children, or simply getting through a tough day, acknowledging these moments can boost your morale and keep you moving forward.

Final Thoughts

Coping with not seeing your children every day is undoubtedly challenging, but with time, support, and self-care, you can adjust and find new ways to maintain a strong, loving relationship with them. Remember, you are not alone in this journey. Reach out for support when you need it, and take one day at a time. Your resilience and love for your children will guide you through this difficult period and towards a brighter future.